The secret addiction that doesn’t have a hero.
I recently stumbled across the movie Sound of Metal.
If you haven’t seen it, do.
Misleading as the title may seem, it’s not about head-banging and delving down into coarse throat singing while hitting high octanes only a cat in distress is capable of doing.
The gist is a story of a drummer’s life, a recovering addict, thrown into freefall when he begins to lose his hearing.
What struck me most was amidst the battle of addiction with drugs and alcohol he effortlessly finds support and comfort without reproach or stigma.
This is reflective of societies’ attitude.
An addict today isn’t met with the same response as leprosy 2000 years ago.
You only need to flick on Ellen to hear some actor drop their past adversities into daytime television.
We’ve all read the story of our childhood hero’s offstage (or onstage) antics.
No one bats an eye when Ozzy recounts a tale of when he snorted a line of coke (or ants). And when Stephen King miraculously powered through most of his early work boozed up and high.
The self-help section in bookstores along with every second podcast is peppered with a personal story of overcoming adversity transforming ones life through smoothies, yoga, mindfulness and unfathomable ultra-marathons.
Alcohol and drug addicts have heroes.
A north star to look up towards.
But there remains one silent nemesis lurking in the depths.
Unwanted sexual behaviour is an idée fixe atypical to other addictions. Unlike chemical addictions, it mostly manifests in secret — deeply rooted below the skin where scars are rarely visible.
Everything is disguised behind the notion of the ‘natural urge.’
It’s not an immediate death either, but a slow emotional and spiritual one, killing your soul over time.
My experience of becoming aware others’ addictions always surfaced one common denominator: prompting of a visual or behavioural reaction.
It’s why unwanted sexual behaviour is often referred to as a process addiction; it’s unlike other addictions where you physically use a substance.
It’s also less visual than others.
Deep-seated.
What I mean by this is an alcoholic can only cover up for so long before the dependency becomes public knowledge: a deteriorating health, yellowing of the eyes and skin, broken capillaries, brittle hair and fingernails, and a marked decrease in attention to personal hygiene, including the noticeable, lingering odour of ‘drink’ on the breath.
Gambling can lead to poverty. Not having money becomes quickly evident.
Sex, as a natural part of our life, can most certainly shape part of our identity, alter our moods, and impact us psychologically and spiritually.
It’s also harder to suppress that which is inherently ingrained in us.
But it’s easier to camouflage.
With the rampant effects of pornography and sexual addiction becoming more apparent in a hyper-sexual online world we need our heroes to step up.
To come forward and break the stigma of the dirty little secret.
The stories of hope and triumph and perseverance must be told.
We all need to know we’re not alone.
And that a struggle is nothing to be ashamed of.
Granted, there’s been a handful of admissions from actor Terry Crews and musicians John Mayer and Kanye West openly admitting to their own personal battles.
But the world needs to hear from more like them.
To start the conversation on recalibrating our distorted views on beauty.
It doesn’t make them a villain.
They might just be someone’s hero.
